Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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