So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
