it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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