Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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