This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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