Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
