Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
