I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
