I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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