I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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