great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
