So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
