: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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