508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
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the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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