My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
