Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
