I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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