my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
