I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
