I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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