Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
