So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
