omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
