Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Are my feet made of real feet?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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