Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I looked at my own cervix.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize