I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
