first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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