It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
