i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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