you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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