Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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