I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize