All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I FOUND THE LEGS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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