Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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