Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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