Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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