she was so not down for the gang bang
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
