I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We have so much sex to catch up on
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
