I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
