lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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