Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
