I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We left an ass print on the piano.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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