wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
