You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
His nipple licking is glorious
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