Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
