he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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