Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
