thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm getting married
To pizza
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
