My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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