i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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