he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
