I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
