i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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