just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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