how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
