proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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