So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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