drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
