At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
