so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize