giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
