It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
