why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
