just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
