Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
