doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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