we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
